Not A Day Goes By
by Rin RavenIce
Summary: AU about Rinoa and her son. She's finally worked up the courage to let Nathaniel meet his father only to have him ripped away after a short five days.


Not a Day Goes By

It was one of those days where the weather matches your mood. The sky was dark and gloomy. Rain was trickling down to the earth below. Today of all days…why did it have to rain? When I awoke that morning, I found the eyes of my son looking right into mine. He looked as if he had been crying.

"What's the matter honey," I cooed.

"I don't wanna go. I don't wanna see him."

I pulled the little boy into my arms and held him close.

"I know it's hard honey. But we gotta go. We have to say goodbye."

Tears began to fall from my eyes, and onto my son's head. I ran a hand through his dark hair, seeing so much of "him" in Nathaniel. I started to cry even harder now, physically getting into it.

I sobbed into Nathaniel's dark hair, holding the small child close to me.

"Momma? Why you cry too?"

"Oh honey…cause I'm sad too."

"Momma's sad? I'm sad too. But don't cry momma. It'll be okay. I'm here…"

His words touched my heart and made me smile.

"You're right," I said as I wiped the tears from my face. "It will be okay."

"Cause I'm here?"

"Yeah," I giggled, "Cause you're here."

_Got a picture of you I carry in my heart_

_Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark_

_Got a memory of you I carry in my soul_

_I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold_

If you ask me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine 

_But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind_

I had only recently brought myself to tell Squall about my…I mean, our son. He was a little apprehensive about the whole thing at first. I can still remember the look on Squall's face when this little boy ran into his arms.

"Nathaniel…this is your daddy."

Nathaniel ran into the Squall's arms, smiling and giggling as he went. Squall looked at the two of us, not sure what to say. He looked closely at the boy now in his arms.

"He really is mine, isn't he," he asked.

"Yes, he is. And he's been waiting forever to meet you."

"Momma's told me lots about you."

"Like what kind of stuff," Squall smiled.

"Gun…gunwade. I can't say it. And umm… the big fight with Ult…"

"Ultimecia," I finished for him.

"Yeah, what momma said. She also told me that you gots a neat lion ring, you saved her life once and…and…she cried about you. When I'm awake at night I can hear her crying. Momma is sad cause of you."

"Nathaniel, I think that's enough…" I said as I took the kid out of his arms.

"Is that true," Squall asked me.

I looked to the floor, and played with Nathaniel's hair.

"Yes…Sometimes I don't even realize it until Nathaniel tells me about it. I do it in my sleep without knowing it."

There was a period of silence…that is until the kid spoke up.

"I'm hungry daddy."

"You are? Well I was just making something. Would you like to come in," Squall said as he looked at me.

"Yeah!" Nathaniel ran past Squall's legs and into the apartment. We both laughed at his antics. Then Squall looked back at me and smiled.

"I'm glad you came."

_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you_

_After all this time you're still with me it's true_

_Somehow you remain locked so deep inside_

_Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by_

I placed Nathaniel back onto the floor and shooed him out so I could get dressed. I sat on the edge of my bed, too tired to do much of anything yet. I stared in the dresser mirror at my reflection, my eyes really red from crying. I then looked over at the picture frame that held the only family photo I have. It's a picture of Squall and I sitting together, Nathaniel in our lap. We all have the biggest smiles on our faces. That was only five days ago. Five days ago he was still here, laughing and smiling. Five days ago I was in his arms, happy to be there again. I was happy…we were happy. I can't believe it was only five days ago that he was still in our life.

_I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night_

_Thinkin' you might call me if you dreams don't turn out right_

_And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark_

_Wishin' you were next to me, your head against my heart_

_If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say just fine_

_But the truth is baby if you could read my mind_

I helped Nathaniel put on a dark gray sweater and black dress pants. I put on a simple black skirt with a gray tank top and a little black button up shirt to go over it. We quietly walked out to the car, letting the rain fall onto us without a care. The ride was even quieter. When we arrived at our destination, I met up with his family and my friends. His father was there, with tears in his eyes. Nathaniel greeted them sadly. Squall's father knelt down next to his grandson and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Don't cry sweetheart. We want you to be happy. Just please don't cry."

Nathaniel gave him a warm hug and smiled.

"I won't cry if you don't."

"Oh…I wish I could stop. I really wish I could."

_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you_

_After all this time you're still with me it's true_

_Somehow you remain locked so deep inside_

Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by 

I had gotten the call four days ago, the day after we had all been together. It was his father on the other end.

"Rinoa, I'm afraid we have some bad news…"

My heart leapt…and I couldn't breathe. The only thing that he would be calling to tell me about is…

"Squall was in an accident this morning on the way to work. Apparently a semi-driver had fallen asleep at the wheel and crossed the centerline. It hit Squall's car head on…killing him on impact."

I fell to the floor, in total shock

"No…it can't be. He has to be alive…he just has to be," I cried.

"I'm sorry, but he's not. I'm so sorry Rinoa."

"How am I gonna tell Nathaniel this? He's only three for hyne's sake! He'll never understand."

"Understand what momma," he asked as he entered the room.

I hung up the phone and focused all of my energy on my son.

"Nathaniel…something very bad has happened. Daddy got badly hurt in an accident today."

"Is he okay," he asked me.

I shook my head, the tears falling to the floor as I did so.

"I'm afraid not. Oh honey, daddy is gone forever."

"You mean he's in the ground?"

"(Note to self: kid has watched way too much t.v.) Yeah, you could say that. Daddy can't see you no more."

"I understand…" he sniffled. "I'll miss daddy."

"So will I honey…so will I."

Minutes turn to hours and the hours to days 

_Seems it's been forever that I've felt this way_

We all watched on with saddened eyes that were filled with tears as they lowered the casket into the ground. The rain continued to pelt us as we stood there. Soon people started to leave, since the whole thing was over. But I couldn't move. I still held Nathaniel's hand, staring at the new grave.

"Momma, we gotta go now. I'm cold."

I looked down at his shivering form and picked him up into my arms.

"It's okay momma. Daddy's okay. He's an angel now. He can watch over us."

I smiled at Nathaniel. Little did he know that he was making this so much easier on me. I'm lucky to have in my life.

"That's ironic…" I thought to myself. "Now he's the angel. But what does that make me?"

We slowly walked away from the cemetery and back to the car.

"Can we visit once in a while," asked Nathaniel.

"Sure, I guess we can."

Nathaniel smiled, satisfied with my answer.

"We'll be okay…one of these days," I whispered to myself.

_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you_

_After all this time you're still with me it's true_

_Somehow you remain locked so deep inside_

_Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by_

That I don't think of you 

Squall Leonhart

August 23rd 1982- October 11th 2004

Loving Father and Son

"May I never be forgotten in the hearts of

those who loved me…And those who I loved."


End file.
